Friends
Hey, first of all - you’re already a great friend for even landing here, looking up how to be an even better one. So pat yourself on the back! No one hands out a manual on friendship (and definitely not on supporting someone through their sexual or reproductive health journey). That’s where we come in, here to give you the words, the know-how, and the gentle nudge so you can show up as the wonderful ally that you are!
How to be a better ally
How to be a better ally
Allies in the wild
aka getting curious
How to talk about periods without being weird
“So…are you, like, on your period?” Cue the scrunched-up face, like you’ve just taken the rubbish out and it leaked bin juice down your leg.
That right there.
A strong contender for the definition of being weird about periods. Let’s retire that energy because guess what, periods aren’t gross, shameful, or something to whisper about. They’re a normal, monthly magic trick where your body sheds what it doesn’t need and gets ready to do it all again. Which, when you think about it is pretty incredible.
1. Ask, don't assume
Instead of guessing, interrogating or assuming you know what they're going through, invite the other person in.
You could try something like:
“Are you comfortable with me checking in about your period?"
"What would be best for you?”
Consent first, always. This shows you respect their boundaries and that they get to decide how much to share.
2. Call it what it is
Call it what it is - a period or monthly bleed instead of dancing around it.
Skip the coy euphemisms unless they use them first (shark week, on the rag, that time of the month, aunt flo, etc). Then mirror their language.
This shows you’re meeting them where they’re at!
3. Let them lead
Open-ended questions keep the door open without being nosy (like your neighbour Barbara, that keeps opening your mail).
You could try something like:
“What’s your experience like?”
“Anything that usually helps?”
“How can I support you today?”
These are way better than “What’s wrong with you?”
4. Validate, don't minimise
Say things that recognise their experience.
Try something like:
“That sounds rough, no wonder you’re exhausted.”
“That's totally normal and valid.”
Skip dismissive lines like:
“It can’t be that bad.”
“Everyone gets them.”
“You’re just hormonal.”
Validation builds trust; minimising shuts people down.
5. Ask before offering fixes
Sometimes they want solutions, sometimes they just want empathy or a hug.
You could try something like:
“Want ideas or just a listening ear?”
“Would company help or do you want space?”
If they do want ideas, keep it practical: heat packs, snacks, pain relief, schedule tweaks, not a 10-point TED Talk on cycle syncing (unless they ask for that, then go right ahead).
6. Talk logistics
Sometimes offering to pickup period supplies or surprising your friend with their favourite chocolate is all that's needed and honestly makes a world of difference.
Some suggestions:
“Need me to pickup pads/tampons for you?"
“Want me to grab a heat pack?”
"I'm at the shops, do you need pain relief?"
7. Respect their privacy
Some people want to share every detail, others keep it private. Both are valid. Gauge this based on the information that they provide; this will be your guide.
Some suggestions:
If it’s at work/school: “How can I help make today easier, more breaks, cover, or quieter tasks?”
If it's at home: "How about I cook dinner tonight?", "Let me know if you need anything"
If they don’t want to share, that's okay, respect that.
8. Be inclusive
Not everyone who menstruates is a woman. Say people who have periods, and if you’re unsure about pronouns, it's okay to ask. You may get it wrong and that's okay - just acknowledge it and keep trying. Inclusion shows care.
9. Follow up
A simple: “Feeling any better today?” goes a loooooong way.
Small, caring check-ins remind them you see them as a whole person, not just “someone on their period.”
What symptoms can feel like
To get you up to speed
Periods aren’t just “a bit of bleeding.” For some, it’s a monthly festival of cramps, mood swings, bloating, back pain, migraines, fatigue, and general “my body is plotting against me” vibes.
And symptoms can look completely different from one person to the next AND from one month to the next.
- Cramps: Ranging from “mild twinge” to “curl-up-on-the-bathroom-floor” pain.
- Bloating: Clothes suddenly fit like they’ve been tumble-dried too long.
- Back/leg pain: Achy, heavy, dragging feelings that radiate beyond the belly.
- Headaches or migraines: Sometimes paired with light sensitivity or nausea.
- Mood changes: Irritability, teariness, or feeling flat. All thanks to hormone shifts (not a personality flaw).
- Fatigue: The kind where even standing feels like too much admin.
- Digestive changes: From constipation to “gotta-go-now” urgency. There's a thing called a "period poo", which normally happens shortly after getting a period.
- Heavy bleeding: Soaking through pads/tampons/cups faster than expected.
If someone tells you they’re in pain, believe them. Resist the urge to say “It’s just part of being a woman,” “You’re overreacting,” or “It’s not that bad.” Those phrases shut people down and can make them less likely to seek help, even if their symptoms point to something like endometriosis, fibroids, or other conditions that deserve medical attention.
Try this instead:
- “That sounds intense, what would help right now?”
- “Want me to keep you company/grab pain relief/sort the snacks?”
- “I’m here if you need to vent or rest.”
What’s the difference between PMS and PMDD?
Most people who menstruate have heard of PMS (premenstrual syndrome): the “ugh, why do I feel like this?” cocktail of mood swings, cramps, bloating, fatigue, and general irritability that pops up in the week or two before a period. It’s common, usually mild-to-moderate, and symptoms tend to ease once bleeding starts.
PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) is PMS cranked up to the extreme and it’s a recognised medical condition, not just “really bad PMS.” It causes severe mood changes like intense sadness, rage, anxiety, or hopelessness, often disrupting work, relationships, and daily life. Physical symptoms can be similar to PMS, but the emotional impact is much heavier. PMDD symptoms also appear in the luteal phase (after ovulation, before bleeding) and vanish once the period begins.
Your guide to period products
Would you like to be in the running for the best friend of the year award? Okay here's what you have to do:
Get informed on period products.
1. Let's address the elephant in the room
Just so you know, any products that are going inside the body to absorb or collect menstrual blood cannot get lost.
The vagina is like a short, soft hallway. There's only one way in and out, that’s the vaginal opening. If your friend inserts a tampon, they're placing it inside this hallway. At the far end of the hallway is the cervix, which is the lower part of the uterus. It acts like a wall with a very small opening in the centre. That opening is teenie tiny, like just a few millimetres wide and far too small for a tampon to get through. During their period, the cervix opens just enough to let menstrual fluid pass through, not enough for anything larger to get in or out.
2. Pads
- These are the soft, sticky-backed rectangles that go in someone's undies
- They catch the blood after it leaves your body.
- Come with or without “wings.” Those little side flaps that hug a person's underwear.
- Need changing every 4-6 hours, or when it starts to feel like a soggy Weet-Bix.
- There’s also reusable options out there too.
Good for beginners, sleepers, and anyone who doesn’t want to put something inside of them.
3. Tampons
- They go inside the vagina and absorb blood before it even has a chance to escape.
- They look like little cotton bullets with a string attached. This isn't for carrying it around but actually to pull it out once it's done its job!
- Some come with an applicator (like a little rocket launcher), others can be inserted using a finger.
- Needs to be changed every 4-6 hours.
Great for swimming, when they're playing sport, or just living their best active life.
4. Menstrual cup
- A soft, squishy silicone cup that chills inside the vagina and collects blood.
- Needs to be emptied every 8-12 hours. Rinse. Repeat.
- Requires a little bit of practice to get the insertion down pat.
Good for those who want a more sustainable option that’s better for the environment.
5. Menstrual disc
- A flexible disc that sits way up high near the cervix and catches blood like a tiny frisbee with a purpose.
- Can stay in for up to 12 hours.
- Best for experienced users, takes a bit of practice to insert and remove without spillage!
- You can have sex with them in. Yes. Period sex. Mess-free. Mic drop.
Good for people with a heavy flow that don't want to have to think about their period leaking every 5 seconds.
6. Period underwear
- These are absorbent undies designed to soak up period blood without the need for anything else.
- Comes in different absorbency levels from super heavy to barely-there, so they're covered on every day of their cycle.
- They look and feel like regular undies, but they’re secretly superheroes.
- Reusable and washable.
- Some people prefer these over pads because they don't feel like you are wearing a diaper.
Good for sleeping, lounging, first-period days, or just living in denial about periods (who's with us?!).
Ways to be the best support person to your loved one with periods
Supporting someone on their period isn’t about tiptoeing around them or rolling out some “princess treatment” like they're a celebrity walking down a red carpet. It’s about equity, the same way you’d hope your loved one has your back when you’ve had a rough day, been slammed at work, or just need someone to cook your favourite meal. Periods can be tough, so small, thoughtful actions go a long way in making things just that little bit easier!
Stock the comfort kit
Heat pack, chocolate, favourite tea, pain relief, and that cosy blanket they always steal. If you REALLY want to go above and beyond, bake them something. Major brownie points (haha get it?!)
Feed them
Cook dinner, order their go-to takeaway, or just bring snacks. Bonus points if you remember their cycle craving staples.
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Create a chill zone
Set them up with Netflix, books, or whatever helps them switch off.
Listen first, fix later (or not at all)
Sometimes all that's needed is to vent, not be given a TED talk on solutions. Be guided by what they need.
Remind them it’s okay to rest
If they’re feeling guilty about slowing down, gently nudge them toward the couch and away from their to-do list.
How to support someone anxious or overdue for their cervical screening appointment
What happens during an in-clinic cervical screening?
Cervical screenings are no one's idea of fun. They can feel uncomfortable, clinical and exposing. Whether it’s your loved one's first time, they’ve had a difficult experience in the past, or they're just not quite sure what to expect, it’s completely okay to feel a bit uneasy about the whole ordeal.
It's important to remind them that this is their body. They're in control. And they deserve to feel safe, supported, and respected at every step.
So that you are better informed as the support person going into the appointment, here’s what usually happens during an in-clinic cervical screening.
1. First, a convo with the doctor
They’ll usually explain what the test involves and ask about your friend's history with cervical screenings in a respectful, confidential way.
Your friend can ask as many questions as they like. They can also say no, pause or stop at any time.
2. They're given privacy and time to get ready
- Your friend will be shown to a private space (usually within the consultation room or exam room),
- They'll get undressed from the waist down and lie on an exam table with a sheet or blanket to cover themselves.
- Normally there will be a seat near their head where you can sit next to them (hold their hand, tell them a story, distract them).
- They can request a female clinician, wear earphones, or ask for extra time.
3. They'll use a speculum to get a good view of your friend's cervix
A speculum is a smooth plastic or metal tool (kinda looks like tongs) used to gently open the vaginal walls so the clinician can see their cervix.
It may feel a little unusual or pressure-y, but it shouldn’t hurt. If it does, or if they feel uncomfortable, they can say so, they won’t be judged, and they can adjust or stop.
4. A quick sample is collected
Using a small soft brush or spatula, they’ll gently collect a few cells from your friend's cervix. This only takes a couple of seconds. It’s quick, and most people describe it as mildly uncomfortable at most.
5. And that's it! They're done
Remind them that they did the hard thing! Give them a big hug and go celebrate!
The speculum is gently removed, they get dressed in their own time, and the sample is sent to a lab for testing.
Results usually take a few days to two weeks, and their doctor will let them know how and when they'll receive them.
If HPV is found, your friend's doctor will explain what that means and what the next steps are, often just a repeat test or closer monitoring.
Relaxation techniques to use when you are mid Cervical screening
Here’s some relaxation techniques that you can have in your back pocket as the support person for mid-cervical screening to hopefully help calm your friend.
You may wish to practice these techniques together beforehand or just guide them during the appointment.
What to do:
- Inhale for 4 seconds
- Hold your breath for 4 seconds
- Exhale for 4 seconds
- Hold for 4 seconds, then repeat
What to do:
Picture yourself lying on a soft, fluffy cloud, floating effortlessly through the sky. With each inhale, imagine the cloud lifting you higher. With each exhale, feel your body releasing tension into the air.
Why it helps:
It creates a sense of weightlessness, helping you relax your pelvic muscles and reduce pain perception.
Prep before the appointment:
Plan what you are going to do post cervical screening. Think low-impact ‘happy place’. This could be indulging in your favourite food, curled up in bed binge watching your favourite tv series or snuggling with Meow-bert the long haired ragdoll. Organise this together so everyone is on board with the plan.
What to do:
Imagine yourself an hour from now in your pre-planned happy place.
Why it helps:
Your brain believes what you tell it - so by focusing on the post cervical screening relief, you shift away from discomfort in the moment.
Rapid fire prompts when supporting someone getting a cervical screening
What to say (and what not to say)
When it comes to cervical screenings, the way you respond matters just as much as the practical support you give. Here are some simple prompts to help you know what to say (and what not to say) that can make your partner feel seen, heard and understood.
- “I’m here for you, whatever you need.”
- “Do you want to know the step-by-step, or would you rather I distract you?”
- “You’ve got this. I’m proud of you for taking care of your health.”
- “Want to make a plan for something fun after?”
- “It’s no big deal” (It might be for them.)
- “You're overreacting, it’s just five minutes” (Minimises their feelings.)
- “You’ll be fine” (Too vague, offer tangible reassurance instead.)
- Any jokes about stirrups, speculums, or body parts unless you know humour is their coping style.
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