Supporting someone on contraception
Welcome to the wild and wonderful ride of your first period, an emotional waterfall full of feels, freak-outs, and figuring it out. You’re not alone in this. Let’s break it down by how it feels, what you might expect, and how to go from panic to prepared.
Contraception
How to be a better ally
Contraception methods explained
Conversation Starters
Contraception chats don’t have to be awkward. Just a couple thoughtful adults who value their body and their partners. You don’t need a script, a candlelit setting, or a 12 slide PowerPoint. You just need the confidence to say, “Hey, can we chat about contraception for a sec?” and the trust that anyone worth having sex with will appreciate that you brought it up.
Contraception chats don’t have to be awkward. Just a couple thoughtful adults who value their body and their partners. You don’t need a script, a candlelit setting, or a PowerPoint. You just need the confidence to say, “Hey, can we chat about contraception for a sec?” and the trust that anyone worth having sex with will appreciate that you brought it up.
How to support someone on contraception
Contraception isn’t a one-player game; it affects the person taking it, the person(s) they’re with, and the relationship between them. The physical load usually falls on the body using the method, however, the emotional, financial, and relational load can (and should) be shared.
Your role as an ally isn’t to give up your voice and grin and bear it, it’s to approach the conversation with curiosity, empathy, and the understanding that your needs matter too, but they’re not the only needs in the room.
1. Lead with empathy, not assumptions
Get your active listening ears on!
Their body is doing its thing so keep their perspective in mind and lead with compassion for what they might be going through.
2. Make it a "we" conversation
Instead of “you should…”
try:
“How do we make this work for both of us?”
It’s a subtle shift that keeps everyone’s needs on the same page.
3. Stay informed without taking over
It’s great to learn about different methods, but remember they’re the one living with it day to day.
Bring information as an option, not a directive.
4. Validate the hard bits
If side effects are messing with their mood, libido, or comfort, acknowledge it. You can share how it affects you too, just make sure empathy comes before your own frustrations.
5. Help with the load
Offer practical support, from sharing costs to picking up prescriptions to taking on more household tasks during adjustment periods (particularly if they're going on/off hormonal contraception).
6. Know when to flag things
Learn what’s “normal” when starting a method vs. when it’s time for a medical check-in. Sometimes, you might be the one who notices a side effect change first.
6. Keep the conversation going
The “right” method today might not work in two years. Keep checking in with each other without judgment or resentment.
Should we share the responsibility & costs?
If contraception benefits both people in a relationship (spoiler: it does), then so should the responsibility.
That could look like:
- Splitting the cost of prescriptions, devices, and appointments.
- Offering to pick up scripts or drive to appointments.
- Helping with household tasks if recovery is needed post-procedure.
- Being an active part of decision-making, not in a controlling way, but in a “we’re in this together” way.
Contraception shouldn’t be a solo sport, shared investment (time, money, energy) shows respect for the work your partner is doing for both of you
How to support someone transitioning off hormonal contraception
Your partner’s ditching hormonal contraception.
Translation: their body’s about to throw a full-blown reboot party. The hormones are DJ’ing, moods on the dance floor, skin and cycles deciding if they’ll even show up (currently they haven’t RSVP’d).
It can be a lot. The good news is that you don’t need to understand every hormone chart to be a great partner. You just need to listen, show up, and know when to bring the snacks. This step-by-step guide will help you do exactly that.
1. Week 1
What might be happening for them:
Hormone levels are shifting quickly. They might feel fine, but they could also experience tiredness, headaches, emotional wobbliness, or just an unfamiliar sense of “something’s different.”
How to help:
Be a steady anchor - keep routines consistent and predictable while they adjust.
Normalise the feelings - If they feel teary or off-balance, remind them that it’s just part of the body recalibrating.
Help reduce pressure - offer to take small tasks off their plate like groceries, cooking, errands so they can rest.
Create a “comfort buffer” - you could suggest cosy nights in, low-stimulation activities, and warm, nourishing meals.
Invite emotional check-ins - a simple “How’s your body feeling today?” can make them feel seen.
2. Week 2
What might be happening for them:
Hormonal fluctuations are intensifying as their natural cycle ramps back up. PMS-type symptoms might creep in, irritability, breast tenderness, changes in energy, or more emotional sensitivity.
How to help:
- Keep the environment calm - reduce unnecessary stressors and help create a soothing home vibe.
- Validate emotional shifts - avoid minimising mood changes. Listen first, reassure second.
- Be curious, not intrusive. If they’re tracking their cycle or symptoms, ask how it’s going, but don’t make it a daily interrogation.
- Encourage restorative breaks - If work or life is hectic, gently remind them to pause, stretch and take time for themselves.
- Join them in “feel good” routines - whether it’s herbal tea before bed, a lunchtime walk, or a favourite show.
3. Week 3
What might be happening for them:
Ovulation may return. They could be experiencing physical changes like skin breakouts, bloating, cramps and feeling emotionally “more alive,” which can be energising or unsettling.
How to help:
- Hold space for unpredictability - plans might shift with their energy and that’s okay! Ride those waves together!
- Encourage self-awareness over self-criticism - remind them these changes are biological, not personal flaws.
- Support healthy rhythms - join them for mood-regulating activities like light exercise, good food, or early nights.
- Listen without problem-solving - ask things like “do you want to talk or take your mind off it?”
- Notice and reflect back positives - acknowledge improvements or patterns they might miss.
- Offer reality checks - gently remind them this is temporary, even if it feels intense now.
- Celebrate the milestones - first ovulation, increased energy, or feeling more connected to their body, acknowledge them all.
4. 1 month
What might be happening for them:
They might have their first natural period. Hormones are settling into a more recognisable cycle. Acne, mood shifts, and libido changes can still be fluctuating.
How to help:
- Respect their cycle cues - If they’re tired, crampy, or low energy, adapt plans accordingly.
- Encourage self-care consistency - help them stick to routines that support their wellbeing.
- Be an accountability buddy - If they’re cycle tracking, check in at the same time each week to see how it’s going.
- Validate the wonderful rainbow of emotion - natural hormones can bring higher highs and sometimes lower lows. This is normal!
- Appreciate their insight - if they share new discoveries about their body, respond with genuine interest.
5. 6 months
What might be happening for them:
Most people feel more stable, cycles have settled, moods are more predictable, energy is steadier. Any underlying health issues might have emerged, and they’re likely more confident in managing their cycle.
How to help:
- Keep the support going - just because things have settled doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate your awareness.
- Be aware of ongoing patterns - If something seems consistently off (pain, extreme cycles, mood changes), encourage your partner to seek support.
- Celebrate their autonomy - recognise the effort and self-awareness they’ve built over the past months.
- Stay engaged - ask about their wellbeing without making it all about hormones.
- Share in their wins - whether it’s improved skin, better sleep, or feeling more “like themselves,” reflect back how far they’ve come.
Rapid fire prompts when supporting someone on contraception
What to say (and what not to say)
When it comes to contraception, the way you respond matters just as much as the practical support you give. Here are some simple prompts to help you know what to say (and what not to say) that can make your partner feel seen, heard and understood.
- “How are you feeling about your contraception at the moment?”
- “Want me to come with you to your appointment?”
- “I’ll grab your script when I’m at the pharmacy.”
- “If it’s not working out, we can look at other options together.”
- “I really appreciate everything you’re doing to manage this.”
- “It’s just the pill, how bad can it be?”
- “I don’t want to hear about side effects, it’s kinda grossing me out.”
- “Why don’t you just stick with what you’ve got?”
- “That’s your thing to figure out, not mine.”
- “Well, I’m fine either way” (aka the least reassuring answer ever).
